To lose a loved one is the hardest thing anyone could ever endure. My family lost a real live hero the day my father died. Before his death, he wrote each me and my brothers a personal letter which my mother gave to us once he had passed. His words have been permanently engraved in my mind. His opening words to me read,

“You are and always will be my little girl. There is only one. I think that is a good thing, as I don’t know that i could ever love another daughter as much as i love you. Certainly, I have always been fully occupied with one daughter alone, and you will live you life knowing our relationship was unique among any other I had in my life. i can’t help but smile as i write you, just as I was never able to avoid smiling as I thought of you in your life’s journey.”

I read his letter daily as a reminder that my father knew what was coming as he felt his life disappear in front of him. What a brave and honest man he was.

My father was diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer just a few days after my 22nd birthday. The months to follow seem now like a dream. We lived the next 2 years in hospitals, getting to know every inch of his disease. Lucky for us, we had a family to lean on. My mom told me when he got sick that we were lucky. We were lucky that this illness had happened to our family, because there were people out there who had no one to lean on. Unlike us. We had a support system beyond anyone’s wildest imagination. And she was right. Our family is filled with love.

I wish every second of my life that my dad was still here to watch my brothers prosper. He valued education so very much. With this new year, my brother Casey will receive his PhD. My father would have been (and i know he is) so very proud. I can picture his eyes now, gleaming with joy. My brother Travis is now a doctor, with 2 beautiful babies my father was lucky enough to have met. When I see those babies, all I can think about is watching my dad hold them and tell me, “Julie, how beautiful is this? How precious are these babies? We are so lucky to have each other and to have these beautiful children.” My brother Chris was always a prodigy to my dad. He is the musician we all wish we could be. I can recall oh so many nights, before and after my dad was diagnosed with cancer, and him telling Chris, “Play me something beautiful.” We would all sit and watch as my brother wowed us as he strummed his guitar. The moments I cherish most though, are the mornings when the house was full. All of us. My mother, father, 3 brothers, sister in law, girlfriends, nieces… all waking up to an early morning of drinking coffee and shooting the shit. My dad in his chair, and all of us cuddled up so close to one another. Those moments when we all knew this is what family was really all about.

This Christmas was the first one without my father. We lit a candle and read beautiful poems and I knew that somewhere… in the happiness and comfort of us all being together, my father was there. He told me that no matter what, he would never let a moment like that go by without him being there.

Today, I hope you kiss your family and loved ones, and realize that you too, have a beautiful and wonderful life. It is yours to live if you give it the chance.